Goddamn it Charles Band, you have stoked the fires of our love hate
relationship once again and to make matters worse you did it in the
middle of a global pandemic while poking fun at the very same pandemic.
And I didn't hate it.
Corona Zombies is mostly a pieced together
Frankenstein version of a horror comedy but at least he MSTK's all the
dialog from Hell of the Living Dead. The parts taken from Zombies vs.
Strippers was used as is. The rest of the film is a few short new scenes made for the film and actual news footage mostly taken from news
conferences from the beginning of the pandemic from March/April of 2020.
Which gives us a clip of Trump reassuring the country that we will all
"probably be all right" even if we were to get the virus.
There are so many jokes and one liners dubbed over the original Hell
of the Living Dead, several of which pay homage to previous zombie
films. Some of the jokes are hits but some miss. We find out some
of the "footage" of the zombies attacking strippers is to from the
Tits and Giggles strip club in good old downtown Cherry Hill, New Jersey. Now as someone
who literally lives in the next town over from Cherry Hill I have to
say this is a misstep as there isn't nor has there ever been anything
closely resembling a strip club in Cherry Hill. That's what Pennsauken
is for! Anybody from southern New Jersey knows that! But I'll give him a
pass for that and chalk it up to another jab at Joisey!
jab comes from the Scrambles Soup Company, where the virus originates, after they roll out their new variety of soup: Bat. Scrambles of course is a reference to Campbell's Soup company which has it's
headquarters in Camden, NJ which is another of the towns bordering my own. Cripes, according to Charles Band, I live right in the middle of ground zero
for this version of the pandemic.
Now, I want to add something new here for the 2023 year and that will be the
addition of the Taitometer. What the hell is that, you ask? Well, I'll
tell you. My Horror Homie Cerpts (here on blogger: http://landofcerptsandhoney.blogspot.com/ ), the Horror Honey, and I get together and watch movies (mostly horror) and we always make a point of checking to see how long
it takes for the first flash of a bare breast to grace the screen.
'Cause you know, what good is a cheesy, low budget horror film if it
can't feature a few sweater puppies being freed in their natural habitat (or
is that habi-tait)? It's called the Taitometer because us being Jersey
boys we see a woman topless and the first thing we yell is "Hey look at
the taits on that!" in the best stereotypical Garden State accent we can
muster. So for Corona Zombies we have the inaugural Tait-O-Meter (maybe
that's a better way to feature it, hey it's still a work in progress
and I also apologize for all of this chauvinistic behavior which, yes,
we know it's chauvinistic behavior, do we care? not one bit we are poking fun, not parting of) score and
that is 12:30. Yes, at approximately 12 minutes and thirty seconds into
the film we get our first flash. A modest showing for a horror film even
more modest for a Charles Band horror film. I've seen some that scores
mere seconds into the film.
Scoring the film is a little bit of a mine field this time for me as
it's mostly a clip show of recycled material which I usually hate. I
especially hate it when cartoons do it, but at least here, this is a
little different in that all the lines (at least from Hell of the Living
Dead) are re-dubbed with different dialogue to repurpose the original
scenes. Think What’s Up, Tiger Lily? and you're on the right track. The
news scenes are ironic, the new scenes are mostly meh, and the stuff used
from Zombies vs. Strippers is OK, I've never seen it so I'm not sure how
impactful those scenes were if the situation was different. I liked
Hell of the Living Dead so it has that going for it, a couple of the new
lines made me laugh out loud, the new scenes had a few good moment (who
showers with a bra on though, that was a bit odd), and the first half
of the film is way better than the second half but the film clocks in at
around an hour so twenty five minutes isn't too painful to sit through
at least once. When I do all the math (and there's more than you might think
I'll tell you) I come up with something in the neighborhood of three
Wuhan ("I love that group!" ~ Barbie) viruses out of five. Be forewarned
that with this one the term "Your Mileage May Vary" carries