That a Wrap for 2022

 

As the light from all the Jack O Lanterns flicker and fade we close the book on another Countdown To Halloween.  Back from whence we came as we pull damp earth back over our now quiet coffins.  We will wait until such a time when we shall be called upon once more.  Until then may we all eat, drink, and be scary.    

Frankenhooker (1990)

 

Here we have a dark comedy from 1990 titled Frankenhooker.  This combines horror, comedy, and if you ask some people, soft core porn.  While I didn't notice the porn part; there's less sex and nudity here than any of the Porky's movies I've seen and I don't recall any of those being called soft core porn.  Poh-ta-to  Po-tah-to.  Mmmm waffle fries.  Where was I?  Frankenhooker is directed by Frank Henenlotter who has directed the Basket Case horror comedy trilogy.  So he knows how to do horror comedy right.  The film centers on Jeffrey Franken, a medical student who is about to get married to the woman of his dreams, Elizabeth who is played by Penthouse Pet of the month as well as year, Patty Mullen.

The couples happiness is soon cut short (you'll know how funny that is in a second) when Elizabeth is killed by an out of control lawn mower.  See, told you.  Devastated, Jeffrey drops out of medical school and devises a plan to help him bring back his wife to be.  He will use the body parts he collects from hookers to Humpty Dumpty her back together again.  In order to do that he only wants to use the best parts money can buy.  Well, the parts aren't for sale but the girls are.  Also starring as Jeffrey's mother is Louise Lasser; Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman herself.  He plans on drugging the girls with his new street drug; think "Super Crack" but it turns out the drug causes anyone who smokes it to explode.  I hate when that happens!  Soon it's raining body parts, literally.  While the film is hampered by some low cost special effects and some bad acting, I mean they're porn stars folks.

What makes the movie is the story and the direction.  This one had me, ahem, in stitches!  It's a funny film and it's certainly one I would call better than the sum of it's parts.  The film doesn't have any right to be this good considering it's parodying a horror classic but it's different enough that it doesn't feel like it's recycled, rehashed, or ripped off.  Somehow Henenlotter is able to piece together a classic 90's horror comedy.  Piece together!!  Damn, I am on fire.  And while I don't know if this is this years final post for the Countdown to Halloween but if it is it's a great way to end it!  I'm gonna happily give this one four plates of severed breasts out of five.  I'm not kidding!  "Hey Jersey boy, wanna date?"         

 

Lost Creek (2016)

 

Going to try and keep the posts coming in between Trick or Treaters right up until the stroke of midnight.  Up next is Lost Creek from 2016.  What I didn't know before I watched this: this is a low budget indy film that is loaded with unknowns and is a kids film.  For kids featuring a bunch of kids.  Unfortunately none of them know how to act a lick.  I expect that from most child actors but I mean even the adults stink out loud.  What it does have is a decent enough story that should hold a ten year old's attention while not frightening them too much.  This is perfect for that kid who is tired of the animated Halloween films and wants to dip their feet into the live action "scary movie" world. 

 

The film centers around a boy, Peter, who has just moved into town with his mother.  Shortly after moving in he meets a little girl named Maggie.  The two meet down near a small stream or a creek, if you will.  During the course of the movie Maggie tells Peter that on the other side of the creek, where she never goes, is a monster.  Peter thinks that maybe the monster is coming to take all the adults because his neighbors are seeming to disappear into thin air.  Along with his other friend Bill (don't call him William) who he knew before he moved into town the three decide to spend Halloween trying to solve the mystery behind the missing adults. 

 

Along the way they encounter monsters, ghosts, demons, to be honest I'm not sure exactly what the threat is but it registers on the creepy level thanks to some very good music from composer Evan Chapman.  The movie sounds very eerie.  It also looks very Halloweenie-like.  There's also a couple really neat looking Halloween costumes.  Like I said the acting is terrible except for Maggie, she's passable but barely.  The story is OK even if it is slow in starting but it picks up about a third of the way in.  It has a nice ending and it has a feel good Stand By Me sort of feeling to it.  So if you want a good film for kids or if you want a Halloween film that's not that scary and no gore, you could do worse.  Three pumpkin cupcakes out of five.     
 

 

The Swarm (1978)

 Earlier this month I reviewed The Bees and mentioned The Swarm and made a point of it to dig out the DVD and watch it in time to put it here on The Countdown to Halloween.  In the mid 1970's a killer bee scare gripped the U.S. as killer bees had made their way across the Atlantic ocean into Central American and by the late 70's they had made it all the way to Mexico.  In this Irwin Allen film it hypothesizes as to what would happen when they made their way into the states.  It wasn't a question of if but of when because according to scientists they were on our doorstep and they were more lethal than any bee we had seen before.  Also something that was gaining strength was Hollywood's obsession with making disaster films like The Poseidon Adventure, The Towering Inferno, Earthquake, and The Hindenburg just to name a few but believe me there were many more.      

 

 

 

 

 

Two of the films I've mentioned (The Poseidon Adventure and The Towering Inferno) were produced by Irwin Allen who also directed and produced The Swarm.  Hindsight being 50/50 I'd say perhaps he should have stuck with just producing disaster films instead of directing because unlike the other two which were good (Inferno) and really good (Poseidon) The Swarm is a disaster film of another type.  Now I mean that in the kindest of ways giving the list of names involved here no need to be unnecessarily mean.  In fact there are so many actors in this production that when I was watching I kept yelling at the TV: "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?  YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS!".  I'll give you a list of the people in this, legendary names like Michael Caine, Katherine Ross, Richard Widmark, Olivia de Havilland, and Henry Fonda.  I mean for frig sake (see Cerpts, I can work clean when I want to!) just about everybody in this film is failed by it's direction, writing, and editing.  OK, maybe the editing isn't their fault, in fact it might not even be Allen's fault.  At least he trimmed it down to less than two hours of torture.  I went and found the version of the film that is closer to three hours long than it is to two.  Unfortunately. 

 

 

 

I wish I could have talked to some of these legends before they signed the contract to be in this film.  "Olivia, Henry, Michael, Richard, Patty Duke, you're even in this?  My god, who else?  Richard Chamberlain?  You're all too good for this!!  Ben Johnson, Slim Pickens, Fred MacMurray, Well OK, you three might not be better than this. But still!"  You get the idea.  For many it was a quick payday for just a few scenes worth of work I guess.  The Swarm fluctuated between pissing me off because it was so stupid as characters made one bad decision after another and hilariously bad as even these Hollywood hall of famers had a tough time making it believable.  I honestly think Fonda was reading most of his lines off of cue cards that were just off camera as some of his lines were in the form of questions as if asking "Is that how you want me to say that?" after his dialog called for him to be scientific beyond his understanding.  It gets wordy in parts and even Michael Caine's "I know what I'm doing, now everybody just do what I say and we might make it through this alive.", attitude isn't fully believable.  There's a part where Katherine Ross tries to take the blood pressure of someone who doesn't even have a pulse.  What the absolute F?  Kids could be reading this so forgive me if I sound like an idiot but movies that are this bad but should have been better piss me off but I still need to edit myself sometimes.  Therefore, I have no choice but to give this one just two squeaky wheelchairs out of five and declare The Bees as the preferred and recommended viewing of the two bee movies from 1978.  Now excuse me I have to go get my costume of.  Happy Haunting from The Man Hole.    

FleshEater (1988)

 

 

Twenty years after George Romero made history with the release of Night of the Living Dead FleshEater was released.  While not being a direct sequel it certainly has it's shambling feet firmly placed in the Romero zombie universe.  FleshEaster stars S. William Hinzman as the titular character but if you remember Night, he is the first zombie we are introduced to in the cemetery.  The famous line "They're coming to get you Barbara.", is in direct reference to Hinzman as he approaches Johnny and Barbara.  Thus beginning the new form of zombie before they were even called zombies.  Hinzman is the one responsible for FleshEater as he stars, writes, directs, produces, and hell, yeah let's add in edits the film.  Most of the rest of the cast is one and done when it comes to acting in films.  The few exceptions being Rik Billock (Dawn of the Dead, The Dark Half, and Monkey Shines) as Farmer Ned and Michael Gornick (Dawn of the Dead and Martin) as Mad Mike the DJ we hear talking. 

 

Also featured as a little girl dressed like an angel for Halloween (the film takes place on Halloween) is Hizman's granddaughter Heidi who has appeared in a few other films with her grandfather including The Majorettes and Children of the Living Dead.  This one definitely has a small Pennsylvania town feel to it even twenty years after the original.  Not only is Hinzman playing a zombie once again here but it is the same zombie or at least I think it is the same zombie.  He has been entombed in a grave and then sealed with a warning to not open the grave or dare unleashing hell on earth.  There is some sort of an attempt to connect a satanic cult with the zombies but I'm not sure that's ever fully explained or sussed out.  Of course the grave is opened and in no time he wakes up and goes on a killing spree.  Not only killing but also turning a bunch of people into zombies as well.  In the end what we have is just another less than average gore fest (it is pretty bloody and chunky as well) with some really bad actors.  There's a reason most of them were one and done.      

 

 The story follows along on the same premise as the original with the one exception that the ghouls are called zombies this time.  The makeup and special effects are OK with a few seconds of some less than impressive shots of heads exploding thanks to well aimed shot gun blasts.  At one point in the film the local authorities burn down a barn where some of the dead are expected to be holed up causing one film reviewer to describe the movie as a huge waste of a good barn.  Ouch!  Not much of an improvement for me over the original and seeing as how this one isn't as important historically I don't really feel much of a difference for it.  I gave the original Night of the Living Dead two and a half out of five and I will give this the same.  Two and a half purple shotgun shells out of five.  Since I added a gif above, which I think is the first time I have placed a gif on the old blog, there's an extra picture for this post.  Perhaps I have to rethink my score as this is a historic post of The Man Hole with the first gif... nah we're good.  Enjoy the extra pic.    

 

 

 This isn't the only film I have planned for today which is a good thing because I would hate to end the month on a down note.  More to come.  Happy Halloween!!

 

Alien 3 (1992)

 Thirty years ago I went to the movie theater with my bestest buddy Cerpts from The Land of Cerpts and Honey to see Aliens 3 along with my significant other at the time (not the Horror Honey I am sorry to report) and Cerpts' flavor of the month.  At the time I hadn't seen the second part of the trilogy but what can you do when the other three outvote you.  So off to see Alien 3 we went.  The film was directed by David Fincher (Fight Club, Seven, and Gone Girl), with this being his feature film debut.  Sigourney Weaver once again plays Ellen Ripley a warrant officer originally onboard the Nostromos.  

After the events of the second film, Ripley is in an escape pod which crash lands onto a penal colony.  After being rescued, Ripley awakens to discover she was the only survivor on the pod.  The only human survivor anyway.  Also starring is Charles S. Dutton (A Time To Kill and Secret Window) as Leonard an inmate and spiritual leader of the colony.  Charles Dance (Game of Thrones and Last Action Hero) as Clemens an inmate who also serves as the prison doctor.  Paul McGann (Doctor Who and Withnail and I) plays Walter Golic a mass murderer and the most violent inmate in the colony, and Lance Henricksen (The Terminator and The Quick and the Dead) as Bishop, an android who was on the escape pod with Ripley.  Bishop was also in Aliens, the second film of the series.  

Due to an impending writers strike the original script was rushed and then quickly canned.  Several more attempts were made to write a script for the third film and in the end the finished product turned out to be a sort of Frankenscript as it contained several different script ideas and plot points taken from several of the previous versions.  In fact filming began without a finished script in place.  Although the highest grossing film of the first three it is not the best of them.  For a few years I doubted Fincher's ability as a film director and hoped he would remain directing music videos which he did prior to this.  After seeing Seven and Fight Club I realized it wasn't Fincher's fault.  It's difficult to put perfume on a pig!  The aliens are always cool, and Weaver is great, as usual, as Ripley.  Everyone else does a good job as well here but it is severely handicapped by a crap script and filled with too many long chase scenes.  The filming is great, in fact Roger Ebert once called this "...the best looking bad movie" he has seen in a long time.  I can only give this three facehuggers out of five and can report that this is the weakest of the first three films.            

  

Halloween Ends (2022)

 

 

I wasn't sure if I even wanted to see this one let alone write a blog post about it.  See last years countdown for my feelings about Halloween Kills.  Or my Halloween 3 post from a couple of days ago for that matter!  But I did watch it and while some of the reviews are right, some of them are a little too harsh I feel.  Danny McBride (who I love, or at least his acting) and David Gordon Green (who after this trilogy better not screw up the reboot of The Exorcist as badly but I have little hope there) are once again the co-writers with Green also directing again.  Jamie Lee Curtis is back as Michael Myers (James Jude Courtney) famous "Final Girl" Laurie Strode.  Also back is Andi Matichak as Laurie's granddaughter Allyson and Will Patton as Frank Hawkins.  Warning: Spoilers Ahead!  The film concerns a young man Corey Cunningham (any relation to Arty from Christine?) who after beating a manslaughter charge is befriended by Allyson when he is treated in the ER for wounds he sustained from a run in with the town bullies.  Also back is Real Housewife Kyle Richards as Lindsey Wallace.  John Carpenter is still attached to this one as producer and he also composes the music with his son Cody

 

 

After Corey meets Allyson (she's an ER nurse) at the hospital, the two hit it off and Laurie even helps him get some revenge on the bullies that put him in the ER in the first place.  Laurie, fixated on having a normal life, is writing her memoir and actually celebrating Halloween this year.  After another attack by the bullies Corey is found by Michael Myers himself and dragged into the sewers where Michael has been hiding and living.  But does Michael kill Corey?  No, Michael lets him go!  Laurie starts to feel differently about Corey and attempts to warn him away from Allyson.  Corey tells her that if he can't have her no one will.  Creepy dude ain't he?  On Halloween, Corey returns to the sewers, confronts Michael, and takes his infamous mask for himself.  Corey goes on a rampage offing everybody who has done him wrong as well as his stepfather and mother!  I won't go on but all of this leads to Laurie having to face off with not one but two maniacal killers in a William Shatner mask.

 

 

  

 With this being the last film in the Blumhouse run we expected some sort of closure.  Did we get it?  Yes we did, but as John Carpenter hinted if there is money still to be made with this franchise it will continue in some form or another.  The property rights to the franchise reverts back to Malek Akkad who is the son of Moustapha Akkad, one of the original produced of the very first Halloween.  But as far as Halloween Ends is concerned it is better than Kills for me but not as good as the first film in the trilogy.  Also, as a comparison, I would like to say I enjoyed Rob Zombies two remakes better than I liked this trilogy.  But that's just me.  Either way, I suggest sticking to the originals.  At least we got scenes featuring Laurie and Michael facing off this time unlike Kills.  I also wanted to comment on the violence in this one.  I don't recall, and neither did any of the folks I watched this one with (that would include the Horror Honey and her two kids who were over for a visit) recall Halloween being THIS violent.  Perhaps I blocked it out from the first two and while it wasn't over the top (I've seen way worse) it seems like a step up in intensity of the violence.  Right before the final outcome there are some nice nods to the original as we get a montage of Laurie and Michael from nearly thirty five years ago.  Not as bad as Kills but still lacking.  We now wait and see if this franchise will improve from here (it can't get worse can it?) or just really end.  I'll toss this one into two and a half industrial shredders out of five.             

 

      

The Aftermath (1982)

 

 

 

 Sometimes I watch a film and I'm disappointed after the huge build up a film gets before it's even released see Halloween Kills for a perfect example of this.  Then there is the complete opposite where a film appears on my "to watch" list and I know nothing, or close to nothing, about the film ahead of time.  This is the case with The Aftermath, a post apocalyptic sci-fi/horror written, directed, and starring Steve Barkett who plays Newman.  Newman is one of three astronauts in space when a nuclear war breaks out and destroys most of the planet as we know it.  The destruction is often depicted in pieces of artwork filmed as scene pieces but is obviously hand painted pictures.  The film is loaded with these pictures and when not using them they use photographs of the paintings for points of reference to how bad the destruction around the world is.  It's no big secret this was filmed on a shoestring budget, and it shows but something very odd happens with this film; it doesn't matter the film still works!    

 

 

 

 

 

Also starring is Captain Spaulding himself Sid Haig as Cutter the leader of a gang of salvaging survivors who hunt humans to use as slaves or in the case of any women they should find who they use for sex.  There's also mutants.  Lots and lots of mutants who also hunt the remaining humans for food.  The mutants look odd, almost like really bad Halloween costumes but they also have a certain charm about them and I found myself cheering every time one would be onscreen.  The film also stars Forest J. Ackerman (that's two films with him in less than a week that seems like it should be a record of some sort) as a museum curator who fills Newman (and us) in on the short version of what exactly happened while he was in space.  The curator also introduces him to a young boy names Chris who he asks Newman to take care of since he is dying of radiation poisoning.  Newman and Chris (who is played by Barkett's actual son who just happens to also be named Chris) later meet Sarah (Lynne Margulies who may be better known as Andy Kaufman's girlfriend who was portrayed by Courtney Love in Man on the Moon) after she escapes Cutter and his gang.   

 

 

 

 

 

 There's a lot of awkward acting and as I said some of the scenery is hand painted pictures but the film is enjoyable enough.  Originally labeled a "Video Nasty" ,although I have no idea why, the film also features well known character actor Dick Miller (a favorite of The Man Hole and should be one of yours as well) or at least his voice, as the voice we hear on the recording on the tape recorder found in the radio station.  The Aftermath is an enigma in that it has no right to be good.  Enjoyable perhaps but it has all the earmarks of a bad film.  From the low budget to all the actors with little or no resume to speak of the movie tells me it's going to be horrible before I even press the play button.  But it's not horrible.  I was entertained for an hour and a half, sure sometimes I laughed at the film when I wasn't supposed to but that shouldn't matter very much.  Or at least that shouldn't detract from the film.  This story has heart and it comes in the unexpected form of the job done by Christopher Barkett.  Yeah, this young boy makes The Man Hole blog history by being one of the only children in a horror film I didn't want to see disemboweled by whatever force is available to do the job.  Corey Feldman in whatever installment of the Friday the 13th franchise he is in also qualifies for this prestigious recognition.  This is clearly a case of the film being more than the sum of it's parts and I really appreciate that in a movie and was pleasantly surprised by it.  We give this three and a half severed mutant arms out of five for this (near) diamond in the ruff.        

 

Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)

 

Somehow I have managed to go 45 years without seeing Exorcist 2: The Heretic some of the time by chance and some of it intentionally.  I didn't see the original film until somewhere around 1980 when I was a tween.  And let me tell you something that film messed me up!  It was terrifying, disgusting, and all around pretty impressive.  I imagine this sequel either came out with little to no fanfare or was so panned by critics that it slunk away like a thief in the night.  Then around a decade ago (give or take) I had a subscription to one of those film clubs where they would send you DVDs every month.  I think it was called Horror Pack, but anyway, you didn't have any control over what you got every month you just paid your 25 bucks and every month you got four or five DVDs.  It was like $3o if you wanted blue rays.  Lo and behold one month in the box of DVDs Exorcist II shows up.  I knew it existed but I had not heard anything about it.  Good enough, in the pile it went.

And there it remained to be passed over lo these many years.  If you're not keeping track, that is the second time I have used the word lo in a post.  If you've ever seen Pee Wee's Big Adventure then you've seen the burning pet shop snake scene.  The way he felt every time he would walk past the snake tanks thinking about rescuing them is the EXACT same way I felt about watching this sequel.  I was warned by fellow crypt keeper Cerpts over at The Land of Cerpts and Honey that this was one of the worst films ever made.  But here we are, a mere few days away from the night when the vale is thinnest between our world and the world of the spirits.  Ah, who am I kidding, it's the Countdown to Halloween and I need something to watch and review.  So I did this, for you.  I hope you are all happy now!  Directed by John Boorman (Deliverance, Excalibur, and Point Blank) this sequel picks up four years after the original film.  Regan (Linda Blair) is still recovering from her possession by a demon.  Richard Burton plays Philip Lamont a priest who is put in charge of investigating the death of another priest who was killed while performing the exorcism of Regan four years prior.  

Regan is now being monitored at a psychological institute by Dr. Tuskin (Louise Fletcher who had just won the Academy Award for best actress for her work in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest) while living with Sharon Spencer (Kitty Winn from Panic in Needle Park) her guardian who we met in the first film.  Regan remembers nothing about the events of four years ago.  Father Lamont tries to help her remember so he can complete his investigation.  The investigation leads his to a man named Kokumo (played by the legendary James Earl Jones) who was once possessed by the same demon that possessed Regan.  Also co-starring as Father Merrin (the dead priest Lamont is investigating) is Max Von Sydow.  Now my question to you is how could one of the best demonic possession movies spawn such a terrible sequel?  Well, for one it was never supposed to be.  Some who were involved in the original didn't want any part of it (Ellen Burstyn, William Peter Blatty, and William Friedkin all flatly refused to be involved) and even Linda Blair refused to be put back into the demon makeup she had to endure for the first film.  This one has zero story and no character development, I mean I struggle to see this as a horror film.  I guess it is but if it was just called a drama/thriller I could see that more as for me, there were zero scares in this one.  This is bad.  Is it Voodoo Black Exorcist bad?  Not quite, I gave that one star.  I will give this one and a half locusts out of five.  Avoid this one, as I should have, but ya know, the countdown and all.    
 

  

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

 

In an attempt to turn the Halloween franchise into a series of films with different stories that all happen around Halloween, Joe Dante was tapped to direct the third Halloween film but at the last minute he dropped out to go direct his parts in The Twilight Zone.  Tommy Lee Jones, who co-wrote the script for this, was then tapped to direct.  Jones had worked with John Carpenter and the rest of the production crew on the original Halloween both as production designer and editor so he had some knowledge of what was wanted here.  But this was still his first directing gig he would later go on to direct the TV horror miniseries IT in 1990.  So what do we have?  We go from a slasher film to a science gone wrong story.  Will it work?  I like the idea and although this one gets drug over the coals by fans and critics alike it could always be worse.  See Halloween Kills for that. 

So what's this all about?  Well, an old man carrying a Halloween mask is taken to a hospital where he is treated by Dr. Dan Challis (Tom Atkins who has also appeared in The Fog and Night of the Creeps) but the old man is murdered in the middle of the night.  The old mans daughter Ellie (Stacey Nelkin from Get Crazy and Going Ape) tells Doctor Dan that her father was killed by the company that makes the mask he was carrying.  That company is The Silver Shamrock factory.  The two go to investigate and discover a sinister plot that involves androids takeing the place of people.  Think Invasion of the Body Snatchers only instead of alien duplicates it's robots.  They also want to revive an ancient tradition of sacrificing kids on October 31. To do that they have to be wearing Silver Shamrock masks when a signal is broadcast on TV.  That signal, as we see, turns a boys head into a nest of bugs and snakes and all kinds of mean nasty ugly things.  Dan O'Herilhy (who has appeared in the first two RoboCop films and Fail Safe) portrays Conal Cochran the scientist who is behind the plot.  Can Doctor Dan and Ellie stop them from killing thousands of kids across the country before Halloween is over? 

There's many reasons to feel conflicted about this one because it's a good film but it pissed a lot of people off because there's no Myers, no Laurie Strode, and no Dr. Loomis.  WTF?  I think if you took the Halloween Michael Myers connection out of the mix and just called this Season of the Witch it wouldn't be criticized as much it is.  The film is connected in a nostalgic way at least to the first two films and if you listen closely you can hear the voice of Jamie Lee Curtis making the announcement about the curfew in Santa Mira.  She's also the operators voice heard on the phone a few times.  Even Jones couldn't resist getting in on the act as he is the voice we hear on the Silver Shamrock commercials.  Speaking of that jingle, good luck getting that ear worm out of your head after watching this one.  John Carpenter once again does the music for the film and it's loaded with angsty goodness.  So good some of it he would recycle into Christine which was released a year after Season of the Witch was.  Is it as good as the first two Halloween films?  No and how could it.  It was handicapped from the start just by trying to do what it did.  It didn't work but the film isn't bad.   

I had the Fangoria magazine that featured the film on the cover and loved it.  That's a great picture!  Another couple things I wanted to point out about this one is that they actually pronounced Samhain correctly!  That gets a little extra credit from me as I've heard it said  Sam Hain like it was a persons name countless of times and I cringe every time I hear it.  I also liked the tag line of the film which is a direct reference to the first Halloween film:  The Night He Came Home.  Here the tag line is The Night No One Came Home.  Chilling!  Now here's where I turn into the old man out on his front lawn yelling at all the kids about how they are messing up everything.  In Halloween 3 Walter Jones is watching TV and what do you think is on the TV?  Why, it's a commercial for the movie Halloween putting this movie outside of the Michael Myers/Lori Strode universe.  So why is that a big deal you may ask.  Well, I mention that because it makes me hate Halloween Kills even more.  There's now a paradox in place caused by a nod to Halloween 3.  There are people in the park that Michael has killed and they are all wearing the Silver Shamrock masks.  How?  They don't exist in each others world.  Am I wrong to be angered so much by this or am I just splitting hairs now?  I dunno, either way Halloween Kills sucks!  But this doesn't and I will give this three and a half microchips out of five and between you and me when you split a microchip in half it makes it useless so three out of five I guess?      

The Howling (1981)

 

When it comes to the big four in horror monster history, Dracula, Frankenstein, The Wolf Man, and The Mummy, I have always had a soft spot in my black soul for The Wolf Man.  Man by day and a blood thirsty beast at night when the full moon rises.  He must kill even if he doesn't want to.  The Howling is not just about one werewolf but an entire colony of them.  The Howling was one of three films about werewolves released almost at the same time Wolfen being another and the third on is the very well known An American Werewolf in London.  Special effects wiz Rich Baker left The Howling to go work on American Werewolf but not before he gave the rest of the effects crew all they needed to create their creatures.  To date this has one of the best transformation scenes in a werewolf movie I've ever seen.  But I'm jumping ahead here.  Let's start with the basics:  The Howling is director Joe Dante's second horror film and fourth film overall.  It is here that I feel he finds his feet and is able to use The Howling as a jumping off point for a career that would become impressive rather quickly.  After The Howling he moved on to Twilight Zone the Movie and Gremlins.   

Starring in the film is Dee Wallace (Cujo, E.T the Extraterrestrial, and Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween) as TV news reporter Karen White who is stalked by a serial killer.  After a traumatic event, she is sent by her therapist Dr. Waggner, played by Patrick Macnee (View to a Kill and the TV series The Avengers), along with Christopher Stone (Cujo and Love Me Deadly) who plays her husband Bill to a rehab facility in the countryside for some R and R.  There they meet some interesting characters including Elisabeth Brooks (Deep Space and The Forgotten One) as Marsha who tries to seduce Bill.  Turns out the entire colony are werewolves who are not at the mercy of the full moon.  They can change at will into a werewolf and they remain fully conscious of their actions while in their wolf forms unlike other werewolf stories.  Along the way we meet up with some great actors playing some bit parts but very memorable ones.  They include Kevin McCarthy (Invasion of the Body Snatcher) as Karen's boss at the TV station, Slim Pickens, John Carradine as Earle Kenton the patriarch of the colony, Dick Miller legendary character actor extraordinaire along with his often boss Roger Corman.  Also along for the ride in a short scene is Forrest J. Ackermann from Famous Monsters magazine.  This would begin a long chain of films Dante would direct where he used character actors for bit parts in his films.        

 

 

 

Of the three werewolf films I mentioned earlier this one, in my opinion falls somewhere in between the other two.  The story, while not all that original or surprising is held together by all the actors here.  Wallace is fantastic (as usual) as she struggles along from one threat to another in an attempt to figure out what is going on and not only save herself but perhaps the world as we know it.  The film is well paced and as I said before features a really impressive werewolf transformation that has to be seen to be believed.  If you've seen American Werewolf in London you have seen a similar transformation.  The different between the transformations is the same differences the two movies have.  Where American Werewolf at times plays for laughs, The Howling takes itself very serious.  Depending on how you feel about horror comedies you may lean one way or the other.  I lean towards American Werewolf but to each his own.  I'll give this three and a half vats of acid to the face out of five.  This one is worth it just for the transformation and Wallace's turn as a vulnerable yet strong leading woman.  

 

     

 

I Am a Ghost (2012)

 

Our third and final film of the day will be this micro-budget (about $10,000 to make this one) film from director H.P. Mendoza (Fruit Fly and Bitter Melon) who also wrote the story.  This little ghost story (the story is little not the woman playing the ghost she's about normal size, depending of course on what your definition of normal is) concerns Emily, a ghost.  No spoiler there, it's the name of the movie!  In this one we see things through the eyes of the ghost.  Her daily routine (which is the same thing every day and one of the things the films detractors mention as to why this isn't a good film) is interrupted by a voice calling her name.  The voice belongs to a psychic medium named Sylvia who has been asked by the new owners of the home to try and contact the spirit of Emily.  The new owners want her gone so the haunting will stop.  I for one didn't have an issue with the repetitive nature of the film.  It's the basic plot point of the movie.  The ghost does the same thing every day and doesn't even know she is doing it.  In fact some of the things she thinks she is doing, well, she's not.  

Apparently Sylvia has been trying to contact Emily for some time.  Due to Emily not knowing all the "rules" of being a ghost and how to move on from this world she has been trapped in her house for some time.  How long is never really said although Sylvia does tell her that she did once tell her when she died (Sylvia researched Emily's death) upon hearing how long it had been sent Emily into a tailspin.  So it's been awhile, let's say.  Even though she is a ghost there are places in the house Emily won't (or can't) go.  As Sylvia tries to help Emily complete her transition into the afterlife the two of them discover Emily is not the only ghost in the house.  In fact Emily suspects the other spirit belongs to her own murderer.  How does a ghost escape from another ghost?  Anna Ashida, who has also been in Bitter Melon stars as Emily and for 90% of the film is the only actor we see onscreen.  

 

That guy over there << to the left is the demon who is portrayed by Rick Burkhardt.  And he's naked.  A lot!  So due to that fact this one isn't for the kiddies.  The film boasts some of the coolest opening credits I've seen in a modern film.  The way the movie is filmed is a nice change as well in that, if you look closely to the picture of the demon the edge of the frame is curved to make it look the way old time photographs used to look with rounded edges.  I know that because I still have old family photos that look the same.  I have to say I really enjoyed the film even if it is a little predictable but I appreciate the attempt Mendoza made to allow this film to stand out and apart.  Attempting something like this that I would call somewhere between art house and experimental is risky but for the most part he pulls it off.  The ending is a little bit of a head scratcher and is probably one of the only things I will hold against it.  A nice little disorienting ghost story that tries to show us life from the other side of the sheet.  Does it rewrite the ghost story for years to come?  No, but it sure does make a good attempt at defining life in the hereafter.  I want to give this four dippy eggs out of five sooooo bad but the ending drops it into the area of "very good" and not quite in the neighborhood of "great".  But it's close!            
 

Lake Placid (1999)

 

Here we have another one of those nature gone crazy type films with Lake Placid.  The film is written by David E. Kelley who is known more for his TV writing with L.A. Law, Chicago Hope, and The Practice on his resume.  Steve Miner directs who is also known for his directing Friday the 13th chapters 2 and 3 as well as Halloween H2O.  So he's on both Jason and Michael's family trees.  The film takes place in Maine at a lake named Black Lake but it's nicknamed Lake Placid due to how smooth the lake is.  Lake Placid is a real lake Black Lake isn't.  Starring is Bill Pullman (Independence Day and Lost Highway) as a game warden who along with a paleontologist Bridget Fonda (Jackie Brown and Singles) investigate an animal attack that turns out to be a thirty foot long crocodile.  Brendon Gleeson (In Bruges and 28 Days Later) is the town sheriff and Oliver Platt (Chef and 2012) plays Hector, a crocodile enthusiast nutjob.  That rounds out the group that look for the Killer Kroc.  

The person that steals the movie however is the foul mouthed Delores Bickerman played by the one, the only, Betty White.  Delores has been feeding the crocodile for years.  We see her going as far as leading a blindfolded cow down to the lake to feed to the crocodile.  Florida fish and wildlife is on their way to kill the beast but Oliver Platt wants to capture it so it can be studied.  The film is the first in a long line of Lake Placid killer crocodile films.  I originally saw this years ago when many years ago it made it's first tour of the pay channels on cable either HBO or Showtime or one of the other ones but other than Betty White and her salty language, I remembered nothing about it.  I haven't seen any of the other installments of the franchise but I did see Anaconda Vs. Lake Placid which is the crocodile facing off against a monstrous anaconda.  Shortly after seeing that I saw this listed and decided to give it a watch if for no other reason than for the best golden girl ever.  

 

 

The film looks nice, the lakes in British Colombia that they used to fill in for a lake in Maine are really gorgeous and I will put them on my list of places to see.  Probably nice around this time of year as well.  A little Indian Summer on a Canadian lake, eh?  Sounds good, leave out the blood thirsty crocodile part and we got a deal.  The acting all serves it's purpose although nobody really stands out to me.  I guess Platt plays a good enough irritating dork but there's really nothing to write home about here.  Maybe Kelley needs to stick to doctor or courtroom  dramas on TV because he does do that well but as far as the story that goes with this one I wasn't engaged.  I didn't particularly care about any of the characters.  A positive to take away from this one is it's only an hour and twenty minutes so you won't be bored for long but you probably will be bored.  I have to say when it comes to giant crocodiles on a rampage movie I'll take Rogue over this any day.  Two tranquilizer darts out of five for this as I just wanted the beast to kill everybody (except for Betty White) so we could just be done with it. 

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)

 

 

 Something happened to horror movies in the 90's that changed the way horror movies were made and written.  Possible even changing how people graded horror movies as well.  In the 1980's horror movies were a jumping off point for some actors and actresses whose names would become really big.  Names such as George Clooney, Kevin Bacon, Johnny Depp, Jamie Lee Curtis (OK, technically her start was in the 70's), Tom Hanks, Julia Lois-Dreyfus, and Patricia Arquette.  Then came the 90's and horror movies weren't for no names anymore.  Instead known names were being put into horror movies.  This, in my opinion, was the beginning of the downward slide of horror films in the 90's.  No longer did story and direction matter the most to what was a successful box office film.  Now a film could be hung on a name and that alone could send it to a box office bonanza.  And sometimes not.    

 

 

 

 

The even bigger fault with many of these films is that they pumped out the sequels left, right, and center.  One after another kept coming and this series of films is a perfect example.  The Last Summer series which stands at three films didn't warrant two films arguably let alone three.  Earlier in the month I gave the original Last Summer film three stars I believe, and as it has been around twenty years since I had seen the second film I decided to give it a try as well.  While it wasn't as bad I thought it might be it's still not as good as the first film with the word "good" being very subjective.  The film stars Jennifer Love Hewitt from TV's Part of Five fame, Freddie Prinz Jr. from the Scooby Doo live action films, Mekhi Phifer (8 Mile, Dawn of the Dead, and Clockers) and Brandy Norwood who is probably better known for her singing than for her acting as two couples who win a trip to the Bahamas for the 4th of July Weekend.  As soon as they get there things get bad very quickly with the rainy season beginning with a huge storm and the killer from the first film suddenly shows up as well. 

 

 

 

Rounding of the cast is Jeffrey Combs (Re-animator series of horror films and From Beyond as well as countless other horror films) as the hotel manager and Jack Black as the local party boy on the island.  To me all the actors other than Jack Black, who isn't in the film very much, all seem to be sleep walking through their scenes.  The film isn't as good as the first film but it's not a particularly bad film either.  What it is though is the worst thing a horror movie can be and that is almost immediately forgettable.  I mean I just watched this a few hours ago and already I'm having difficulties remembering some of it.  My other issue with it is everything is gray or some variant shade of gray or something close to it.  The film has zero color pallet.  Probably the first and third photos I placed in this post are the only examples of some color other than shades of gray, black, or blue that the film mostly contains once the group arrives on the island.  Three stars for the first one and that might have been stretching it so perhaps giving this two and a half pot plants out of five is pushing it as well but I'm feeling generous.  Watch the first one if you want and save 90 minutes of your life to use for something else.