Pocahontas once said, and I quote; "The only thing I still have from John Smith is Chlamydia."! That's right folks, the "round of applause" is the topic of the day. The silent suffering, as it is sometimes called, because an individual may suffer from this disease for a long time before realizing they even have it. Not only that, it is also the most frequent reported STD in the US. A nice festering case of "Clammy Crotch" is easier to get in the states than a picture of a Harry Styles love child! An estimated 2.8 million cases are reported each year. The major cause of the wide spread disease is that the first symptoms usually occur anywhere from 1 to 3 weeks after contracting the disease, if they occur at all. The first most common symptom is a burning sensation when you go widdle. Usually this symptom is overlooked as a minor urinary tract infection and treated with water and cranberry juice. Nice if you want to mix in some alcohol and paint the town with some poon plague, but not effective in treating the disease that is really causing your problem though. Now comes the fun part. Do not read on if you get grossed out easily, you have been warned! I'll wait.................
OK, you've made your decision so here we go. The fun part starts when the disease spreads and causes that fun stuff we like to call discharge, or seepage. Usually this is a sign the disease has spread to the cervix, as well as the fallopian tubes and (gasp!!) possibly as far as the rectum! Keep in mind this is not exclusive to females, although they do have the highest reported cases, 'cause that's just how much we love 'em. So guys, watch where you drill. Since this can be spread orally, vaginally, or anally, the disease does not care weather you are hetero or not. YAY! Fun for everyone! In some rare cases it has also been found in the mouth and throat areas of infected partners. Now here are some of the long term problems this little bug likes to cause: First and foremost, sterility, usually in the female patients. Some men have become sterile from it as well but only after ignoring the burning sensation while urinating, the red swollen tip, the abdominal pain, and the swollen testes. Honestly though, if your ignoring all that, you probably shouldn't be making offspring anyway! It can also cause fatal ectopic pregnancies, as well as arthritis, and skin lesions. Wait, why the hell we gotta mention arthritis? I mean if you have any of the other symptoms you really worrying about a few achy joints?
Anyway, where were we? The squat rot also makes females five times more susceptible to the HIV virus. Who knew? Ever see a baby born with pink eye or pneumonia? Probably cause mom had a case of the bear-cat slop. That's what happens to infants when they come down the birth canal of an infected woman. What was that quote about the sins of the father? Guess you can add sins of the mother to it as well. The number one way of getting the disease is by being sexually active with more than one partner. 78% of all reported cases worldwide belong to women and girls 25 years old and younger. Most cases when cured are often relapsed because they are cured but their partner (or partners) are not. Every time a new strain of the disease is contracted by the same person the chances of long term complications triple. With that we close the book on this entry. Now get out there and stake your claim in those happy humping grounds!
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