Thursday, October 27, 2022

Memorial Valley Massacre (1988)

 

"Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the tent" claims Memorial Valley Massacre or Son of Sleepaway Camp or Valley of Death as it was known in the version I watched.  This one is directed by Robert C. Hughes who has also directed Hunter's Blood and a few Playboy channel adult anthologies.  The film he has directed that I really want to see is Zadar!  Cow From Hell.  It just sounds like a fun mooooooovie!  Sorry about that.  The film stars John Kerry (not the politician but he has co-starred in Dolemite) plays the head ranger of Memorial Valley Campground who is opening the campground for the season during Memorial Day weekend. 


 
 
He even has the owner's (Cameron Mitchell who is the biggest name in this but is only in it for about five minutes) son helping him.  Soon the campground is invaded by annoying families, annoying teenagers, and bikers (who surprisingly aren't that annoying) and a murderous hermit.  I say hermit because that is how he is credited in the film even though he looks more like a caveman to me.  The hermit loves the forest and all it's little creatures.  He releases a rabbit from a trap after kissing it on the head and even has a little mouse as a pet.  It's people infringing on his territory he has issues with.
 

 
 This was made in the late 80's but looks even older.  The film would be better if everyone weren't so stereo-typically portrayed.  On top of that, have I mentioned they are all annoying?  Especially that damn kid on the ATV!  I have never seen a film where I was rooting for more characters to be killed off quicker than this one.  When they are not being annoying they are dumb as a box of rocks!  There's one scene where Kerry and a makeshift posse look for the missing bikers.  He wants to send someone back to the main campsite to tell them that the recent deaths are not caused by a bear but by a person.  So he asks one of the teenagers if he's fast to which he responds with a straight face: "What?  Like at running?".  SMDH!!  Out of the total run time of 93 minutes this film is great for about twenty of them.  The rest of the time it's insufferable!  I can only give this two death pits of spikes out of five.    
 
 


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