The Loved Ones 2009

 Today we go to Australia to check out this 2009 flick.  Interesting enough in 2013 a defendant was found guilty of a sadistic torture murder that was taken right from this movie.  It was also nominated for several horror movie awards as well as Australia's version of an Oscar.  A horror movie nominated for an Oscar?  Sounds promising!  The film stars Xavier Samuel who we here in the states might know better as Riley Biers from The Twilight Saga: Eclipse film.  I wouldn't as I have never seen any of the Twilight movies.  Actually I have seen one but I saw it totally by accident.  I had thrown my back out and was in so much pain that my doctor called in a prescription of muscle relaxers for me to take at night before bed.  I couldn't wait, however, so I took one the very afternoon I got them.  About an hour later the pills started to work their magic and I didn't know weather to scratch my watch or wind my butt.  As I was flipping through the channels I nodded off and a movie was just starting so I fought off Morpheus and in my relaxed daze watched this movie.  About half way through I realized it was one of the Twilight movies.  I felt dirty but I watched until the end.  From what I remember it wasn't horrible but to this day I can't tell you which of the movies it was.  But I digress this is about The Loved Ones so on we go!  The Loved Ones is writer/director Sean Byrne's first feature.  The film also stars Robin McLeavy, Victoria Thaine, Jessica McNamee, and  Richard Wilson; all who I know next to nothing about.

 The movie starts with Brent (Samuel) and his father driving along a road when they see a man covered in blood standing in the middle of the road.  As Brent veers the car to avoid the man he hits a tree.  We pick up six months later as Brent is making plans to go to the prom with his girlfriend Holly (Thaine) after having refused an offer from another girl named Lola (McLeavy).  We find out that Brent's father died in the crash we saw earlier and Brent is heavy into smoking weed and he's turned into a "cutter".  Lola doesn't take rejection well and with the help of her father she does get to go to the prom with Brent.  Sort of.  That's where the fun begins.  He just should have said "Yes."!

     While this fits into the torture porn sub-genre and there are definitely some serious cringe worthy moments I think it's nicely spaced with just enough humor to take the edge off and make it more palatable.  There's not a bad acting job to be found here, everybody does a really good job, even "Bright Eyes" is memorable as a lobotomized housewife.  Lola is one of those characters that horror buffs will remember for days after watching this.  It also drives home the old saying: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.".  You should have just said "yes", Brent! 

 This film may lead me to another Australian horror movie as this has been described by some as the best horror film to come out of Australia since Wolf Creek.  Sounds like a plan I can add that to my "To Do" list.  If the gore is this much fun it will be all worth.  No, this movie isn't for everyone.  If bloody slasher type scenes aren't your thing then there's not enough black humor to make you sit through this.  For me, every time there was a scene that tap danced around the line something would happen to make me giggle even while I was turning my head away from the screen for a split second.  Where it does differ from all those other black comedy slasher type movies is it takes it's most entertaining and enjoyable character and makes her the killer.  And it does it all without hiding her identity for seventy five percent of the movie.  Oh, and it will take me a while before I can look at my cordless drill the same again!

For his first attempt at a feature length film, Byrne does two things at once which is good and bad for him.  Good in that he created an instant classic and one that I will rewatch for years to come.  The Loved Ones cements his place in horror movie history but will this movie end up screwing him in the long run as everything he does in the future will inevitably be judge against this film.  But with all that being said is The Loved Ones perfect? No, it's not there are some sub plots that just fall through and some minor side characters that I'm not sure if they were necessary so hey, maybe whatever Byrne does next will be even better.  Let's hope so because the horror genre could really use a shot in the arm these days.  The Horror Honey and I may be pushing the envelope here a bit and you might say we gave this film too much credit but maybe we've just watched too much crap since Labor Day so this one seemed REALLY good.  4 Psycho Prom Dates out of 5!