V/H/S/2 (2013)

 

Let's head back to the horror anthology again with V/H/S/2.  Now it's not that the first one was so good that I had to watch the sequel.  Far from it.  It seems that this found footage fad has figured out a way to nearly ruin my favorite horror sub genre.  But I must soldier on!  Again we have a wrap around story involving Tape 49 from the first film.  A couple is hired by the mother of the guy from the first film to find him.  They of course find video tapes and while Larry searches the house for signs of the missing Kyle, Larry's girlfriend Ayesha begins to look at the tapes.  Good thing too or we wouldn't have anything to watch.  So let's check out what the short tales have in store for us.  The first story is called Clinical Trials which is about a man who receives an ocular implant to replace the eye he lost in a car accident.  The doctor mentions that he might experience "glitches" as this is still in the experimental stage.  Those glitches just happen to be something like ghosts.  He also sees what looks like a body under the sheets of his bed.  When he pulls back the sheets there's nothing there.  Soon he meets Clarissa a girl who has also received an experimental implant only hers is in her ear.  She can hear the ghosts but not see them.  Sounds like a match made in, well it wouldn't be heaven now would it?

 

 

Back to the wrap around story; Ayesha sees Kyle explain that for the tapes to have an effect on the viewer they must be watched in a specific order.  The next tape is titled A Ride in the Park.  Mike, a cyclist is talking a ride through the park with his new go-pro camera affixed to his helmet.  As he is riding through the park he rides right into the middle of a zombie apocalypse.  Mike is soon bitten on the neck and after he turns into a zombie we watch the carnage through the go-pro camera.  After the second story Ayesha has a migraine and a bloody nose.  Larry says he is going to go get her medicine for her migraine.  Ayesha pops in another video tape.  The third story is Safe Haven about a group making a documentary about a cult in Indonesia.  This one is a little confusing (it's subtitled so this makes it even harder for me to enjoy because found footage is hard enough to follow for me) and at times I had no idea what what going on.  The effects in this one are top notch.  Lot's of splatter gore here in this segment.  The leader of the cult "Father" announcing that the "Time of Reckoning" has come and makes an announcement on the PA system.  This sets off a mass suicide as the cultists all begin to kill themselves.  One of the crew, Lena, is pregnant with Adam's baby who is also on the film crew.  Lena is taken by some of the female cult members and put on an alter.  They carve symbols into her skin and soon she gives birth to something that looks like a horned demon or the devil himself.  This one is pretty graphic and probably my favorite one even though half of the time I had no idea what was happening.

 

 

Back at the wrap around story Larry comes back with medicine for Ayesha and he watches the final tape with the story Slumber Party Alien Abduction.  Two brothers Randy and Gary put a camera on their dog Tank to video tape things around their lake house.  After their parents leave the brothers invite friends over so they can harass the brothers older sister and her boyfriend.  There's squirt guns loaded with urine and loud music is unleashed on the sister and her boyfriend while they are in the middle of having sex.  Suddenly a loud and unexplained noise is heard.  Jen and her boyfriend Zack get some revenge when they catch one of her brothers masturbating on the couch.  That's about the time the aliens make their move.  The aliens, who look like "The Greys" that most of us are accustom to seeing, begin to abduct the kids as they zip them up in sleeping bags and try to drown them in the lake.  The rest of the group the aliens set a trap for and the last two left are Gary and Tank who we are still seeing the video footage from.  Gary is taken by a bright light and he is lifted into a beam to the aliens space craft.  Gary grabs tank before he lifts off and right before Gary gets to the UFO Gary drops Tank and then the aliens drop Gary as well.  Now here's my big issue with this one: Tank and Gary hit the ground and they are both mortally wounded and we are left to watch Gary and Tank die a very slow death.

 

 

 Let me make this clear: if you kill the dog I will penalize you in my review.  It's just how I am.  Let the dog live goddamn it!  Now this doesn't go for all dogs, if you have a Cujo type situation, I get it.  Then it's allowable to kill the dog.  This time the wrap around story was pretty decent and I might say it's the second best story in the film.  I would say the last one was second best but they killed the dog!  No good.  So after giving the dead dog penalty we end up with the same score I gave the first one.  Even though this one was slightly better than the first one this gets two and a half slit throats out of five.  The dead dog cost 'em.