Prisoners of the Lost Universe (1983)

 

 

 I debated whether or not to include this in the Halloween Countdown.  It's not really a horror film, far from it in fact, but it's not much of a sci-fi thriller either. What it is is a sort of sci-fi comedy adventure film.  I saw that guy up there about twenty minutes into the flick and said ya know what, he's called a water beast so here it is.  PotLU stars Richard Hatch (Battlestar Galactica, Party Line, and Dead Man's Curve) and Kay Lenz (House, Breezy, and Death Wish 4) as Dan and Carrie a couple of people accidentally transported to an alternate dimension by a goofy doctor.  The world they are in is called Vanya and there the people don't speak English, they speak Vanyan.  Which sounds just like English so we're good with that.  Vanya is ruled by an evil warlord named Kleel who is played by John Saxon (A Nightmare on Elm Street, Tenebre, and The Bees that I just reviewed earlier this month for the countdown) who is a horror/sci-fi mainstay so that's another reason I included it here.       

 

 

 

 

Also starring is Peter O'Farrell (Legend and Hawk the Slayer) as Malachi, a thief, because there's always one of those around in these fantasy type stories and Ray Charleson (Hawk the Slayer) who is called The Greenman because --- he's green.  The film was directed by Terry Marcel who also directed Hawk the Slayer (hey, I see a pattern forming here) and Bejewelled a 1991 Disney TV movie of the week.  Hatch and Lenz's goal is to find the doctor, who also was sent to the alternate reality, and figure out how to get back to their own world.  Not as easy as it sounds because Kleel wants Lenz for himself.

 

          

 

 

I know I watched a movie but this is celluloid's version of a rice cake.  There's just nothing there but yet I ate it and am left still hungry.  Somewhere there is a movie in there and who knows, if this plays in a futuristic Vanya maybe this is like their Citizen Kane.  All I can muster up for this lackluster attempt is two Mama Roland's jerky strips out of five.