Deathcember (2019)

 We are getting near to the end of the celebration.  The nights have turned darker and winters chill has begun to overtake summers warmth.  Walget and TarMart have had Christmas decorations out for nearly a month now.  So here on this late October day I want to talk about another anthology film titled Deathcember.  I almost got through the entire Countdown to Halloween without doing a Christmas horror movie.  At least I didn't do it on the first day like some years.  This time we have 26 shorts (there are two of them hidden in the credits so I wonder how many people miss those) all pertaining to December.  So let's jingle our bells all the way and see what this one has in store for us. 

 

 

Deathcember has it's roots in The Abc's of Death so the shorts will be comparative to those films which were hit or miss.  None of the shorts are over seven minutes so there is always something new coming up in a few seconds.  Thankfully because the first story is something I've seen done before and better.  The second one features Tiffany Schepis in a tale called All Sales Fatal which was a nice evil comedy about the need for a receipt.  A couple of tales later we have a Christmas Eve bank heist gone wrong.  Think Reservoir Dogs only they are all in Santa suits.  Sounds better than it actually is.  There's a Hunchback of Notre Dame silent short that has some really wonky effects that reminded me a bit of Birdemic.

 

 

One of the better stories is about a man taking his kid hunting and the deer not having a minute of it.  The thirteenth story (for those keeping track) is one of the best of the bunch.  A man who is clearly a horror fan has a creepy kid who does some odd things with her toys.  Wait, there's only one kid?  He had twin daughters, what happened?  Ruggero Deodato offers up a short about a prank on Grandma that goes horribly wrong.  In yet another, a kid writes a letter to Santa to help him get away from his abusive father.  Santa is all to0 happy to help.  But is that Santa?  There is a Serbian (I think) story about a girl getting revenge for a Christmas Eve rape.  Really cringey!  Lucky McKee directed a story about two men in the desert hiding from something.  We don't ever see what it is which made the difference between really good to just average.  Barbara Crampton is in one about a witch taking a womans baby who is dead and buried and even she couldn't help make sense of this one although she looked really good in it. 

 

 

On the twentieth day we get another that is the best of them all which is directed by Pollyanna McIntosh so it might be in the same world as Offspring, Woman, and Darlin'.  The short concerns a man (who gave me Bill Mosely vibes) who opens his gift too soon.  And then pays the price.  Another of the better shorts is one not about Christmas but Hanukkah.  There's a story about Christmas Crackers that if you have seen Asteroid City it felt a little like it could have been in that reality although I'm sure they aren't related in any way.  The final short in the film before the hidden shorts is called Dolph and it features Santa going HAM (hard as a mother f***er) on a meth lab to save one of his reindeer.  My favorite of the film.  The mid-credits scene is average at best but the story we see after the credits is about a Vampire stripper who does house calls and while she dances for Daddy she gives the kiddies Christmas toys but I think they were adult oriented toys.  Honestly I don't know what happened but it's nuttier than a Christmas fruitcake and if not for the reindeer one at the end I think this was my favorite.  If you have seen any of the ABC's of Death films you know what you are in for.  It's nearly two and a half hours but it doesn't feel like it so it has that going for it.  Three blood splattered Christmas balls out of five.